At length, however, being somewhat recovered, I was carried southwards to Naples, and thence we wandered from town to town through the provinces of Italy until, in the year 1686, the fullness of the spring renewed my blood and set my fancies in a tide towards home. Jack accompanied me to England and took up his abode in my house in Cumberland, being persuaded without much difficulty to abandon his pretence of studying the law, and to throw in his lot with me for good and all.
“My estates need a steward,” said I, “and I—God knows I need a friend.” And with little more talk the bargain was struck.
During all this time, however, I had not so much as breathed a word to him concerning the doings of that night in Castle Lukstein. At first the matter was too hot in my thoughts, and even afterwards, when the horror of my memories had dimmed, I could not bring myself to the point of speech. Had it not been for the appearance and intervention of the Countess, doubtless I should have blurted out the tale long before. But with her face ever fixed within my view, I could not speak; I could only picture it desolate with grief, and washed with a pitiful rain of tears. Moreover, I knew that Jack would account my story as the story of a worthy exploit, and I shrank from his praise as from a burning iron.
’Twould have, nevertheless, been strange had not my ravings in my delirium disclosed some portion of the night’s incidents, and that they did so I understood from a certain speech Jack once made me. ’Twas when I was yet lying sick at Verona. One morning when I was come to my senses after a feverish night, he walked over to my bedside from the chair where he had been watching.
“I have been a common fool,” says he, and repeats the remark, shifting a foot to and fro on the floor; and then he claps his hand upon mine. “God send me such a friend as you, Morrice, if ever trouble comes to me!” says he, and so gets him quickly from the room.
Often did I wonder how much I had betrayed, but I had reason subsequently to believe that ’twas very little; just enough to assure him that I had not flinched from the conflict, with probably some revelation of the fear in which I engaged upon it.
‘Twas in the last days of March that I saw once more the rolling slopes of Yewbarrow, streaked here and there with a ribbon of snow, and my house at the base of it, its gray tiles shining in the sunset like glass; and a homely restfulness settled upon my spirit, and looking back upon the last months of purposeless wandering, I resolved to pass my days henceforward in a placid ordering of my estate.
This feeling of peace, however, stayed with me no great while, the very monotony of a quiet life casting me back upon my troubled recollections. As a relief, I sought diversion with Jack’s ready assistance in the pleasures of the field. Hawking, hunting, and climbing—for which somehow my companion never acquired a taste—filled out the hours of daylight. We chased the fox on foot along ridges of the hills: we hunted the red deer in the forests about Styhead; we walked miles across fell and valley to watch a wrestling-match or attend a fair. In a word, we lived a clean, open-air life of wholesome activity.
But alas! ’Twas of little profit to me. I would get me tired to bed only to plunge into a whirlpool of unrestful dreams, and toss there until the morning. Some times it would be the door of the little staircase to the Count’s bedroom. I would see it opening and opening perpetually, and yet never wide open; or again, it would grow gigantic in size, and swing back across the world is though it were hinged betwixt the poles. Most often, however, it would be Count Lukstein’s wife. I beheld her low, tall and stately, with her glorious aureole of hair and her dark, unseeing eyes eating through me like a slow fire as she advanced across the room; now I followed her as she moved through the moonlit garden with the taper burning clear and steady in her hand. But, however, the dream began, ’twould always end the same way. The fiery windows of Castle Lukstein would leap upon me out of the darkness, and I would wake in a cold sweat, my body a-quiver, and her lone cry knelling in my ears.
A strange feature of these nightmare fancies, and a feature that greatly perplexed me, was that the Count himself played no part in them. Were my dreams the test and touchstone of the truth, I could never so much as have set eyes upon him. The encounter, the conversation which preceded it, the last cowardly thrust, and the dead form huddled up in my arms among the curtains—of these things I had not even a hint. They became erased from my memory the moment that I fell asleep. Then ’twas always the woman who was pictured to me; in no single instance the man. I wondered at this omission the more, inasmuch as I frequently thought of Count Lukstein during the day-time, remembering with an odd sense of envy the softness of his voice when he spoke concerning his wife.
Spent with the double fatigue of the day’s exertions and the night’s phantasmal horrors, I betook myself at length to my library, seeking rest, if not forgetfulness, among my old companions. But the delight and joy of books had gone out from me, and nowise could I recover it. Once the very covers had seemed to me to answer the pressure of my fingers with a friendly welcome; now I applied myself straightway to the text as to a laborious and uncongenial task. I had looked so deeply into a tragic reality that these printed images of life appeared false and distorted, like reflections thrown from a convex mirror; and I understood how it is that those who act are but seldom their own historians, and when they are, content themselves with a simple register of deeds. However, I persevered in this course for a while, hoping that some time my former zest and liking would return to me, and I should taste again the fine flavour of a nicely-ordered sentence or of a discriminate sequence of thoughts.
But one May morning, coming into the study shortly after sunrise, I sat me down, with my limbs unrefreshed and aching, before the Religio Medici of the Norwich doctor, and I fell immediately across this passage:—
“I have heard some with deep sighs lament the lost lines of Cicero; others with as many groans deplore the combustion of the library of Alexandria. For my own part, I think there be too many in the world, and could with patience behold the urn and ashes of the Vatican, could I, with a few others, recover the perished leaves of Solomon.”
The words chimed so appositely with my thoughts that I resolved there and then to put the theory into practice, and closing the hook, I made a beginning with Sir Thomas Browne. Outside the window the birds piped happily from vernal branches; the shadows played hide-and-seek upon the grass, and the beck babbled and laughed as it raced down behind the house: I locked the door of the library, and taking the key in my hand, walked to the side of the beck. At this point the stream spouted in a fountain from a cleft of rock, and fell some twelve feet into a deep basin. A group of larches overhung the pool, and the sunlight, sprinkling between the leaves, dappled the clear green surface with an ever-shifting pattern. Into this basin I dropped the key, and watched it sink with a sparkling tail of bubbles to the bottom.
’Twas of a bright metal, so that I could still see it distinctly as it rested on the rock-bed. A large stone lay upon the bank beside me, and with a sudden, uncontrollable impulse I stripped off my clothes, picked up the stone, and diving into the cool water, set it carefully atop the key. Many months passed before I came again to the pool, and found the key still hidden safe beneath the stone; and during these months so much that was strange occurred to me, and I wandered along such new and devious paths, that when I held it again, all rusty and corroded, in my hand, I felt as though it could not have been myself who had dropped it there, but some one whose memories had been transmitted to me and incorporated in my being by a mysterious alchemy.
It was on that very afternoon that the letter was brought to me. Jack and I were sitting at dinner in the big oak dining-room about four of the clock; the great windows were open, and the sunny air streamed in laden with fresh perfumes. I can see Jim Ritson now as he rode up the drive—’twas part of his duty to meet the mail at the post town of Cockermouth—I can almost hear his voice as he gave in the letter at the hall-door.
“There’s a letter for t’maister,” he said.
Jim is grown to middle age by this time, and owns a comfortable fat face and a brood of children. But when ever I pass him in the lanes and fields I ever experience a lively awe and respect for him as for the accredited messenger of fate.
The letter came from Lord Elmscott and urged me to visit him in town.
“Come!” he wrote. “To the dust of Leyden you are superadding the mould of Cumberland. Come and brush yourself clean with the contact of wits! There is much afoot that should interest you. What with Romish priests and English bishops, the town is in ferment. Moreover, a new beauty hath come to Court. There is nothing very strange in that. But she is a foreigner, and her rivals have as yet discovered no scandal to smirch her with. There is something very strange in that. Such a miracle is well worth a man’s beholding. She hails from the Tyrol and is the widow of one Count Lukstein, who was in London last year. She wears no mourning for her husband, and hath many suitors. I have of late won much money at cards, and so readily forgive you for that you were the death of Phoebe.”
The letter ran on to some considerable length, but I read no more of it. Indeed, I understood little of what I had read. The face of Countess Lukstein seemed stamped upon the page to the obscuring of the inscription. I passed it across to Jack without a word, and he perused it silently and tossed it back. All that evening I sat smoking my pipe and pondering the proposal. An over-mastering desire to see her features alive with the changing lights of expression began to possess me. The more I thought, the more ardently I longed to behold her. If only I could see her eyes alert and glancing, if only I could hear her voice, I might free myself from the picture of the blank, impassive mask which she wore in my dreams. That way, I fancied, and that way alone, should I find peace.
“I shall go,” I said at last, knocking the ashes from my pipe. “I shall go to-morrow.”
“You shan’t!” cried Jack vehemently, springing up and facing me. “She knows you. She has seen you.”
“She has never seen me,” I replied steadily, and he gazed into my face with a look of bewilderment which gradually changed into fear.
“Are you mad, Morrice?” he asked, in a broken whisper, and took a step or two backwards, keeping his eyes fixed upon mine.
“Nay, Jack,” said I; “but unless God helps me, I soon shall be. He may be helping me now. I trust so, for this visit alone can save me.”
“She has never seen you?” he repeated. “Swear it Morrice! Swear it!”
I did as he bade me.
“What brings her to England?” he mused.
“What kept us wandering about Italy?” I answered. “The fear to return home.”
“’Twill not serve,” said he. “She wears no mourning for her husband.”
I wondered at this myself, but could come at no solution, and so got me to bed. That night, for the first time since I left Austria, I slept dreamlessly. In the morning I was yet more determined to go. I felt, indeed, as though I had no power to stay, and, hurrying up my servants, I prepared to set out at two of the afternoon. Udal and two other of my men I took with me.
“Morrice,” said Jack, as he stood upon the steps of the porch, “don’t stay with your cousin! Hire a lodging of your own!”
“Why?” I asked, in surprise.
“You talk overmuch in your sleep. Only two nights ago I heard you making such an outcry that I feared you would wake the house. I rushed into your room. You were crouched up among the bed-curtains at the head of the bed and gibbering: “It will touch her. It flows so fast Oh, my God! My God!”
I made no answer to his words, and he asked again very earnestly—“The Countess has never seen you? You are sure?”
“Quite!” said I firmly, and I shook him by the hand, and so started for London.